Lemons

I’m having serious issues with the equipment I am using. Is it some kind of personal attack orchestrated by my old pal Murphy or do I just have a ‘lemon’? The truck that I use for work is constantly breaking down and the computers (yes, more than one) that I use malfunction with more regularity than my bowels. Even non-mechanical tools give me grief! I buy a leaf rake and half way through the first raking the end falls off!! What did I do??? Am I cursed???

 

Lemon’s are everywhere and the chances of getting one seems to be increased every time I enter a store to buy something that I know nothing about. It is not like the stores have a special display marked ‘Lemons, Stay Away!!’ No the stores mix the lemons in with the regular fully functioning goods. That way I never know what I’m getting until I start to use it and it is then that I realize I have a lemon. Lemons select me… I don’t select them.

 

I have written about my newest truck so I won’t dwell on the fact that I spend more time in spare trucks than I do the one assigned to me. It just got returned to me last week after two weeks of extensive surgery that I am assured has fixed all that ails it. No more blown hoses, reduced engine power and lack of heat in the dead of winter I’ve been told. Really?? I’m supposed to believe that? You told me that the first time you fixed the problem!! The best thing we could do with that truck is paint it bright yellow and write “Warning. Lemon… Use at own risk” on the side. A lemon, that’s what it is and that’s what it will always be!!

 

I have also written about the death of my old reliable laptop and the fact that it has been replaced by a hybrid tablet/pc. I received this gratis from my company for passing a milestone anniversary. I’ve been there forever. They sent me a lemon. At first I thought it was something I was doing wrong. You know, new device and a steep learning curve but the thing won’t charge properly, continually sends warning messages that tell me there is something wrong with the device that is plugged into the USB port and has now started to shut down just because it feels like it!! Last weeks blog entitled ‘Hockey on my mind’ was erased by just that event. The lemon just decided it had had enough and turned off!! The whole thing was gone when I rebooted the computer!! The recovery effort gave me two paragraphs of what I had written. I wrote two and a half pages!!! I now have to write a sentence and save, write a sentence and save… And there is nothing plugged into the USB port!!!

 

Returning a lemon is a pain. “What’s wrong with the device?” I am asked

“It’s a lemon.” I reply

“Oh ha ha. What specifically?” They ask again.

“Well the blah,blah doesn’t work when I blah,blah it and it sounds like blah, blah, blah… It’s a lemon!!”

“Oh ha ha ha, we can fix that.” I’m told.

 

I don’t want it fixed I want it replaced!!!But that is not what happens, they take the piece of crap away from me and days later return it to me with a ‘good as new’ certification sticker and a smile. Oh and lets not forget… a ginormous bill!! Good as new only means that they have reset the lemon to start again and when the same things happen again and I take it to be fixed their only comment is “I don’t understand why this keeps happening?” BECAUSE IT’S A LEMON!!!

 

I have learned that returning a lemon is not worth the aggravation. Life is too short to spend my time dealing with lemons and the people that fix them. My choices are limited to continually take whatever it is, in for constant repairs or I throw it out and go get a new one. The truck will be replaced one more time before I retire so I need only bide my time but this hybrid is not worth the effort and it needs to go, sooner rather than later. Honey and I have made a shopping date for a few weeks from now. We will travel to the big city, land of the specialty Big Box Stores, with a list of things to get and our credit cards ready for action. The list has a sub-list called ‘lemon replacement’ and right under lawn rake is this crap-top I am using.

 

I may not sure whether the trip will bare any fruit, it is as much a fact finding mission as a spending spree. My bank account can’t do spree and I want to be sure I get value for what I do spend. I know replacing this lemon will be costly but ‘free’ obviously doesn’t work and only adds credence to the saying, “you get what you pay for.” I go to the city twice a week and can shop without Honey but I value her input and perspective and she is far more prudent than I am. Also I can be impulsive, it may be why I get so many lemons, and there is safety in numbers. So I think waiting a few more weeks is in my best fiscal interest. Honey also knows fruit and can spot a lemon more frequently than I can.

 

So I will soldier on with the lemons I’ve been dealt until I can replace them. The check engine light has not come on for two days on my newly repaired truck and I’ve managed to finish this piece with only one inexplicable shutdown, so there is hope. I have also figured out how to pay for replacing this crap-top, I’m going to get all the things I have that don’t quite work right and have a tendency to need repair, put them on a table in my front yard and sell them for whatever I can get for them. I’m going to hang a big sign on the table that says “Lemon-Aid Sale… All sales are final.” Hey… it’s more warning than I got.

 

 

 

 

 

2 Comments

  1. I wondered where you had disappeared to last week.

    For what it is worth, I suggest that you do not (repeat: do not!!) buy a computer at a big box store. Buy it from a small computer store that is located off the beaten path and mostly ignored by all the bargain hunters scooping up the lemons on display elsewhere. I know you love the big box stores because they are your biggest customers. But buyer beware: do not buy a computer there!

    I know you know this. But it bears repeating: small, privately owned computer store specialize in computers. The staff in these stores know their shit. So have them load the programs you want (for a price, of course) and thereby save yourself the aggravation of downloading all the free lemons from the Internet God in the cloud on high.

    All of this will cost you a lot more than the big box specials that are just waiting for access to your credit card and you may have to wait for a few days before you can pick up you spanking new, fully loaded computer (but hey, you travel back and forth to the big city every week anyway). In the long run though, it will be worth it. Like you say, you are more apt to get your money’s worth this way.

    This is old school thinking, of course, and quite out of vogue these days, but I’m just saying …

    1. Thank you for the sage advice Uncle J. I will investigate a small business before I make any decision.

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