Millennials and Vegetarians

Hamburger comes from a cow. Bacon comes from a pig. Turkey burger and turkey bacon come from… you guessed it… a turkey. Why am I telling you this?


The other day a work associate of mine, a vegetarian, celebrated his birthday. He and his wife went out to a local micro-breweries restaurant/pub to enjoy a nice meal and a few wobbly pops. At 50+, the all-night celebrations are a thing of the past and he is all right with that. He has become more aware of the need to treat his body correctly and that a 3 day hangover is not a fun thing.


He had only become a vegetarian in the last decade, explaining to me once that he had stopped eating meat just because he wanted to see how it made him feel. Ten years later he’s still a vegetarian, so I guess it made him feel better than being a carnivore. In the last few years I had noticed that the coffee cup on his desk had been replaced by a water bottle filled with the most repulsive looking liquid ‘smoothie’ one could imagine. One day I went in to his office to have a closer look.


“Protein shake,” he had said when he saw my raised eye-brow, “gives me energy and increases mental alertness just like caffeine but without the side effects.” I looked at the bottle on his desk. The crap inside was the colour of grey matter and had the consistency of snot.

“Milk based?” I asked trying to be polite and do my best not to show my repulsion.

“No, I stopped drinking milk and cream a few years ago, its soy.” He told me.

“You’ve become a Vegan?” This was news to me.

“No,” he replied, “I still eat cheese.”

I left his office shaking my head; I am a firm believer in any person’s right to live, love and pray any way they wish as long as it does no harm to others, but give me a cup of ‘Joe’ any day!


A micro-brewery is a somewhat trendy style of establishment. They’re popping up everywhere in Canadian cities. They brew their own ales and lagers and serve fashion food at fairly steep prices. They appeal to the millennial because they were created by one and believe that if they are going to charge $12 for a burger and fries that the customer should get everything they want on that burger without asking. It’s the millennial credo, ‘everything to start with’.


My associate being the good vegetarian that he is, ordered the veggie burger. He was no doubt asked if he would like that on a glutton-free bun because that would be a trendy sort of question for a server to ask, after all his was a special dietary order and that meant he was paying $2 more, they should offer up something in return, don’t you think? The couple sipped on one of the specialty pops that the micro-brewery offered enjoying the ambiance and pleasant conversation until their meal arrived. When it was served they ordered another couple of pops, then settled in to enjoy their dinner.


My friend surveyed his burger. The plump patty was topped with cheese, condiments, spinach , onion, pickle, tomato and… huh??? Is that bacon? My friend left his meal untouched and when the server returned with their drinks he asked, “Is this a veggie burger?”

The server took a look and replied, “Yes it is.”

“But there’s bacon on it,” the vegetarian said.

“Oh yes, all our burgers come with bacon,” she replied with a smile.

“But it’s a veggie burger,” my friend said to her.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it” she said to him, “there’s no extra charge.” She then turned and left the table.


My associate is a laid back guy and rather than make a scene he simply shook his head, removed the bacon and ate the burger. I don’t know if I would have done any different at the time, why ruin what until then had been a good day? But still, aren’t the millennia’s supposed to be the truly self aware generation? Opposed to prejudice and bias of any kind? Don’t they claim that they understand what ails the world? Aren’t they the ones that believe they should all have what they want without delay and mistakes? Aren’t they the highly educated generation?? If this is the case, what moron thought it was okay to put meat on a veggie burger???


When I was told this story I stood open-jawed. I don’t know whether I was more stunned by the idiot that used meat as a garnish on a vegetarian meal thinking that was fine or how oblivious the server was to the irony of the situation. I don’t want to bash the millennial but damn… it’s hard not to.


So let me return to my original statement and put it in terms that maybe the millennia will understand; Porky Pig, Ferdinand the Bull, Foghorn Leghorn, Buggs Bunny, Daffy Duck, the Roadrunner and even Wile E. Coyote are animals and meat comes from animals. Do you understand? Does this make sense to you?  Good… then let me now expand your knowledge base and give you some information that you might have missed on your meteoritic rise to the top…