Friday the 13th

Friday the thirteenth.  I don’t know about anyone else but I don’t care. Lousy days can appear on any day of the week or month. Tuesday the sixth, Saturday the twenty-third, it’s irrelevant.  Luck, good or bad, has nothing to do with the day of the week.

 

The fear of Friday the Thirteenth is called, “friggatriskaidekaphobia”. Who thought that one up? If I had a fear like that, I couldn’t tell anyone about it, even if I wanted to! You need a PHD just to pronounce it. Frigga…blah…blah…phobia. If you have this fear, GET A NEW ONE! Be afraid of heights (acrophobia), scream at spiders (arachnophobia), or be afraid of work (ergophobia), don’t pick one no one can pronounce!!

 

There are lots of phobia’s to choose from. If there is someone afraid of it, it’s got a phobia name. Afraid of men, you’re an Androphobic, afraid of women, you’re a Gynophobic.  If you have this uncontrollable fear, that you will fall down the stairs, you’re a Descendophobic. USE THE ELEVATOR! I know that these fears that people feel are real. For some, they can have a debilitating effect. Some people really don’t go outside because of their fears; they chose to stay in a safe and secure environment. Yes, they are missing out on some pretty cool things, which just don’t quite transfer to television or print but this is their choice.

 

Yes, I know, I just stepped in it. I’m just saying that a black cat is no different than a white one; they can both hiss and scratch. If I can go outside, why can’t they? I can also tell you that claiming Ablutophobia, the fear of bathing, does not go over well at the country club! Look if you don’t at least wash your hands after you pee, you’re going to send the Mysophobic (that’s right the fear of germs guy) over there in the corner screaming for the door. Look I showered today and nothing happened, you can do it.

 

My point is that for some unknown reason, some doctor decided to give every fear some kind of clinical name. So when a person goes to their doctor and says, “I’m afraid of sharks”, the doctor can say, in their most knowledgeable tone, “ I see, you have Selachophobia. You should stick to swimming pools”. And you don’t laugh; because you’re freaked out they have a name for it! The names the thing. Doctors and researchers invented these names so that they could maintain an air of superiority.

 

Okay, you think I’m full of crap, right? So explain to me why, some medical person chose to name the fear of long words…Hippopotomonstrosesquipedallophobia. That’s just cruel. It’s bad enough that the poor bastard couldn’t enjoy Mary Poppins because of the ‘super’ duper word. Now this!

 

So if you ever feel apprehensive when you cross paths with a cat in the dark on Friday the Thirteenth while crossing a bridge…Don’t bother seeking counselling  It is just a waste of time and money, I will tell you what you have… Alluroachlurogephyrofriggatriskaidekaphobia.  Pronounced Al,blah,blah,blah phobia . I will also tell you that appropriate medical treatment is to give your head a shake, take a breath and keep walking.

 

 

 

 

 

 

4 Comments

  1. A couple of things …
    1. Is this a repeat of something that you wrote previously? I think I recognize it.
    2. There is something wrong with the format of this piece. A few of the sentences run off the page and a number of words get lost. Or is this just my computer?

    I’m not complaining when I mention 1 and 2. This is a good piece. No, I’m not complaining at all. I’m just saying …

    1. I’m going to ignore the computer thing… Yes you are correct Uncle J, this is from April 13th 2000 and something or other. That’s a very good grab on your part. It gives me great relief to know that your long term memory is still intact, now if you could only remember what you ate for dinner last night… I’m just saying…

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