Forty-eight months, four years, it seems like a long time, hell it feels like a long time, but in the grand scheme of things it is but a microcosm. That is all the time I have left to get my shit together so I can retire and for a procrastinator like me, four years is barely enough time for me to write my to-do list. I think I need a plan that does not include winning the lottery.
I have always had the notion that I wished to retire from my job and never work again. This doesn’t mean that I intend to just sit on the front porch and watch the grass grow; it means no more working for “The Man” to get my daily bread. When I was younger that meant wealth, lots of wealth, but now that I am staring the certainty of retirement in the face, it means something all together different. My retirement is not only about money (if it was, this conversation would be happening 15 years from now). It’s about happiness or an acceptable facsimile… it’s about comfort and bliss… it’s about getting on with another stage in life, having an adventure and going out with a bang.
Many people just continue to work until they are in their seventies and then only leave the job because their employer pushes them out the door into a fixed income situation. They will stay exactly where they are until their health makes it impossible for them to care for their home and themselves, and then their family will push them out the door and into some kind of assisted living situation. There are only two reasons that people continue to work well past retirement age, a) they can’t think of anything else to do and they have to do something, or b) they can’t afford to get out from under ‘The Man’s’ thumb.
I don’t want to work for ‘The Man’ until he hands me my gold watch, I want to leave on my own terms, and I don’t want to wait a moment longer than I have to. I have many things that I would rather be doing than getting out of bed a 3am to go to work; sleeping would be number one on the list! So that takes care of a) and as far as b) is concerned, money and the lack there of, has been an issue all my life so what does it matter if I’m working for ‘The Man’ or not? I’ll be broke either way!! But I know ‘broke’ and I can do ‘broke’ anywhere!! I don’t have to get up at 3am to do ‘broke’; I can do it on my own time schedule!!
So why wait four years you ask? Because in four years I will be able to retire with a maximum pension and ‘The Man’ will be sending me money until Honey and I both die. I will get up on June 2nd 2021 at 3am, relieve my bladder and go back to bed. It’s important that I reach this date so I can slip from under ‘The Man’s’ thumb and put Honey and I in the position we need to be. One that will let us survive when I tell ‘the Man’ that I’m not going to get out of bed at 3am to suit their needs any longer. “I’ve done my time, I won’t be back’” I’ll tell them with a smile, “and don’t forget to send me my cheque… forever!!!”
As much as I would like to say that I will get the same amount of money from ‘The Man’ in retirement as I do when I am on the job that is not the case. The best I believe I can expect is one third of my ‘on-the-job’ earnings as a pension. This will be further reduced by ‘Big Brother’s’ taxes so I will need to live on a quarter of what I currently earn. Under my current circumstances this is impossible. The monthly stipend I’ll receive will be gone before I can get to the grocery store, eaten up by the mortgage, bills and taxes, if things remain as they are. It is not nearly enough for my life to remain status quo; a lifestyle change will be required.
If I owned my house outright things would be different but I don’t, and I would have to stay working for ‘The Man’ an extra 7 years in order to retire without a mortgage. Four years feels like forever, eleven more years would kill me!! No… the mortgage has to go and along with it the house. I know what you’re saying, “Gee that’s too bad… family home… lots of space… lovely gardens… blah, blah, blah” but actually I’m not that broken up about it because the house comes with something that I don’t want in my retirement… WINTER!!! When it comes to retirement it may be the one thing that Honey and I agree on, no more winters. Buenos Dias Dominican Republic!!!
So the non-lottery winning plan is to ‘liquidate and relocate’. Everything must go!!! I have no intention of moving anything but a few personal items to a foreign country. There is no point, because we’re going from 2200 sq ft to 500 sq ft, there is no room for our stuff!!! Truthfully, what more do I really need other than Honey and a regular cheque from ‘The Man’. They sell furniture and appliances in the Dominican Republic. I can buy a car there and a fat-assed recliner. I can get a coffee maker and a laptop if I need one. There is nothing I own here that I will wish I had there that I won’t be able to get. So everything here can go.
To simplify the ‘liquidate’ process, I have decided to skip the estate auction/garage sale/flea market path to getting rid of the small stuff and create an ‘ultimate package’. Anyone interested may contact me through the comment section…
FOR SALE- 4BDRM/2 BATH $245,000. Includes contents.